Caged In
by spawn94
Summary: as jacob tries to get over the loss of the bella he loved, he goes through struggling to survive. finding love. losing love. and acceptance of himself and everything around running is the only thing that seems to help till life and fate interfere
1. running away

This story starts off right after Jacob goes to the wedding and Sam and the others have to pull him out of there in brCeaking dawn. This is what happens with him after that night. THIS IS NOT A JACOB AND BELLA STORY! this is about Jacobs life and how he tries to get over the loss of Bella, even though it seems she doesn't want to let him go just yet! all characters belong to SM

my hands dropped to my side,as i barely realized what i was doing. i was hurting bella. my only women i have ever and will ever love. the second i let go the leech had her behind and quil were in front of me in the next, though i couldnt tell if they were blocking edward from me or me from bella, maybe just trying to prevent a fight. i dint care i wanted so much to say sorry to bella but my anger at her surpassed that need. which is the only reason i let seth tug me out of there, i refused to phase in front of bella,refused to give the leech any more satisfaction at my lack of self-control. "C'mon, jake. Lets go." seth said quietly to me "I'll kill you," i said  
my voice co choked with rage i could barely say them, it came out in a whisper,though i'm positive everyone heard. i was looking straight at edward,makinh sure he saw the fury in my eyes. "I'll killl you myself! I'll do it now!" I said as i shuddered convulsively as sam in his wolf form growled warningly. "Seth get out of the way," edward hissed.  
Just then i saw red, how dare he think i was gonna hurt my brother? I was angry i could do nothing but shout at the bloodsucker in my head,throwing every swear word i knew out there,and let seth yank me back a couple of more feet back,farther away from bella and her leech husband. "Don't do it, jake. Walk away.C'mon."  
i barely heard the words penetrate my mind, much less heard who they came put his big massive black head on my chest,shoving me back,into the cover and darkness of the forest. immediatly i phased without saying a word, keeping my mind blank to what i was thinking,the anger helped. I paced back and forth between two trees, we weren't far from the party and i could still hear the music playing. thinking of the party i lashed out at the tree to my left, breaking it. I heard one of the pack step forward i turned seeing seth his eyes as well as his mind was full of worry as was the others. i took i deep breath knowing i had to say something. "I'm sorry, i should have left as soon as i got angry." i aploligezed sam step up to me noy 3 inches from my face "I told you it would be like this jacob. It's done,she's leaving soon and she won't ever come back, and if she does she won't be the same bella. She'll be one of them." he thought. I put my head down looking at the forest floor. i knew what he was saying was true,i just din't want it to be or hear it, but i knew i had to. it hurt so much,the pain of losing someone you loved. i now understood how bella felt when edward left her.i understood very much now why she always had her hands wrapped around herself,felt like she was falling apart on the inside. memories of those months with her brought on a series of painful convulsions to my body and i did the one thing the wolf in me knew how to do very well. i lokked at the moon and howled the longest most painfullest howl i could manage,knowing everyone within 5 miles maybe 10 had to have heard with one last look at my pack i ran. i ran as fast and as hard as my wolf form allowed. I didn't know where i was going but i had to get out again, out of this town,out of this did isabella swan do to me? I was glad the pack didn't follow me, though i knew seth and quil wanted to,but sam stopped them. if i was able to i would have smiled. sam always seemed to know when to and when not to give me my space.i knew embry would be hurt, from me not letting him know i was leaving i didnt have the time to think about anyone elses feelings but my own. which at the moment were raging out my control. imajes of bella were running through my head. her at my house sleep on the couch or on my bed. us together in my garage and sitting together on the old driftwood bench at the la push about i all made me cry which in wolf form sounded liike horrible little soul and mind would forever be afferected and hunted by isabella marie cullen.


	2. going back with hate

A/N: All copyright belongs to SM. Please R/R my story any comments or any ideas you have let me know.

I don't know how long I ran for, the days and nights seemed to blend together now a days. The only thing that constantly reminded me, in my wolf form, that I was ever human was the pack always in my head letting me know they were there for me, and of course my memories of Bella. I kept replaying the night of her wedding over and over again, trying to see if there was any other possible way I could have handled the situation. If they're was possibly still a chance that she would have chosen me, even then. But I knew there wasn't , I had to face the truth, Bella had chosen Edward. She had given me up on me , on any chance of there being a 'us'. To me there was no longer a day and night. I fell asleep wherever I felt like it, whenever I felt like it. I hunted when I was hungry, always alone. And then I ran, and ran, and ran till the whole process started again. I was free, this was freedom I knew that much, but yet I knew I couldn't run forever, I was bound to la push , bound to it the day I became a werewolf. I was becoming more and more wolf than human every day, it would only be a matter of time before the wolf took control of me completely. When I slept I was haunted my nightmares of a red eyed Bella, no longer the shy, innocent brown eyed girl I had fell in love with, but a blood thirsty, red eyed, vampire. I'm sure thousands of people had heard my howls over the thousands of miles I had run. And I felt everyone of those miles, everyday. My life centered upon la push. No matter how many miles of earth I put between us, I was always aware of it. I knew exactly how many miles I was from it, in which direction it was in, and of course thanks to the packs linked minds, what was going on there. I realized I couldn't run from my fate, my destiny, and that meant Bella swan wasn't meant to be in it. After I don't know how long of thinking about Bella I came to the conclusion that I didn't need her. That she was bad for me any way. She left me in the dust along with a life I was positive she would love. With kids,with charlie, with sleep, food and a heartbeat. A pulse. I hated her, for leaving me, for teasing me, for making me fall in love with her. So I went back to the only thing I knew could never leave me and would always be there, I went to la push. Back to my pack. And back to my life..


	3. out of his ashes

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW !**after this chapter and the next I wont wright until I get 5 reviews atleast. i want to know what u guys think.. I don't own*sniff**sniff* I am forced to admit that it all belongs to S.M

running home my thoughts were interrupted by Seth phasing and entering my head. "your coming home? man billy's gonna be so freaking glad!" he gushed as he read my thoughts. "you don't know what its been like here without you man!1 Paul is in real need of an ass-kicking, without you here to do it he just gets more obnoxious by the second." he said in disgust. I refrained myself from telling him I knew exactly what its been like since I was in there heads all the time. The thing was though, that now I was more able to control what they saw in my head and what they didn't. It was a lot like what I did with the bloodsucker. "yeah im coming home-for good" I said.

Even in my thoughts my voice sounded different, hoarser,rougher, dead. I could only imagine what it would sound like when I talked. I let Seth go on and on about whats been going on the rez, though I knew already it helped keep my own thoughts at bay. Over the hours I was running Sam phased in a couple of times trying to get me to talk about everything "Bella still on her honeymoon." he said cautiously, I guess to see how I'd react. I grunted in response to that.

" she'll be back soon, to forks I guess they're gonna change her there." he said I could tell he was getting frustrated with me as he ran the patrol by himself. It was quiet as we both ran, so close in our heads but far as hell from each other in every other way."Jacob what is wrong with you?" Sam roared in my head, I didn't even flinch.

"what do you want from me Sam? huh? To cry and whine to you?" I asked in a monotone voice, I heard him growl "no one gets his heartbroken and worse and doesn't have anything to say about that! No one!" he yelled

, it was quiet again as I thought of what to say to that. I had been gone for weeks running, my mind and heart in agony and he called that not saying anything? I had said enough. I" what do you want from me Sam?" I repeated, I heard him sigh " I want- we want the old Jacob back!" he whispered,

It was my turn to growl, the old Jacob? there wasn't one, not anymore, Bella swan had took him with her when she walked out of my life with her new husband. She had broke old Jacob, but out of his ashes had created the 'new' one. Sam heard everything I just thought of and I could feel the sadness evident in him, just before he phased. I just kept running, as much as I loved Sam and my brothers I just wasn't ready to let them into my head for real. the next one to phase was Embry " Jake man, its so good to have you back" he was saying to me as I ran.

I still hadn't feel asleep and was looking for a good place to stop for awhile." I ain't back yet Em." I said "dude we got these two new potential wolf, and one of them Is a girl." he said at that I paused in my running, but only for a second. Another girl wolf was good, for Leah, now she wouldn't feel like so much of a freak, and she'd have someone to talk to now.

" yeah and maybe she'll leave off with her shity attitude." he said annoyed, I chuckled surprising myself. I hadn't laughed in what felt like forever,

and I knew Embry knew that, it was automatically easier between us, it always had been that's why he was my best friend. " and don't you forget it" he said more than a little serious as I realized I had. I had forgotten that I needed my friends, my brothers more than ever and it wasn't fair to push them away. " im just not ready for any of them to know whats really going on Em" I said as I layed down under an old oak tree"i need more time to think things through, but know this I'll never be the jake Sam wants again, I cant be that one." I said" I wont" I whispered. The old Jake was so naive and gullible. To trustworthy and bighearted. To easily used and manipulated. I vowed I would never be that Jacob again, never as I fell asleep under the big oak tree, beneath the stars. And for once in what seemed like along time, I slept, and knew that this was night and in a few hours it would be morning.


End file.
